that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
