respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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