Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
