and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
