just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
