I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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