Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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