Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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