Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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