He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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