last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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