my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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