When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
