i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
