reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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