Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she pinky promised me she was 18
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
