i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
