Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
