I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
