Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
