maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
