Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
