Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
