the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
