Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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