i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
