Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my shit smells like andre
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so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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