I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
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The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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