I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
