Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
