Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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