I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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