i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
