Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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