Define "chronic" masturbator.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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