Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
