I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
