ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I love you. Go after that dick
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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