My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
