3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
