We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
