so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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