i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
