matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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