Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
