Apparently you make a good broom.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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