remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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