I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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