Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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