At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
