I want to have your abortion
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
