Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
