Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
