how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
