I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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