You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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