Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
