So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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