he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
