she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Operation Purity has been aborted
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
