i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
