The best revenge is premature balding
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
