Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
