Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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