I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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