is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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