she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
