According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
please don't ironically join a cult
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