my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
