toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm passing your future prison.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
