A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
