I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
