My room smells like vodka and shame
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
