she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
