I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
