Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
