I'm going to jail i love you
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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